im never upset to the point that i feel like i can be without him, or that i want to. but sometimes- i can’t even explain in words the amount of frustration that overwhelms. sometimes like when we fight, i go to him and tell him that im sorry and that i love him; most times, he brushes me away, kisses me, tells me he loves me, but acts like he doesn’t. all times, he will come back to me after brushing me away, and ask me whats wrong & hold me. its not fair. he can’t do that. he can’t expect this “iloveyou” cycle emotion fix everything. its confusing and i never know what the “right” thing to do is.
but after time, the thing that cuts my insides up, is when he bails on me. the times when he tells me he always can see me, he will say it, then changes his mind. he changes his mind like a plain tee shirt. i am the name brand but he can change the store, without having to change the design. its like some days are surreal; like im living a dream and that my mind is intoxicated by the fumes of me and him being together, taking me to outer space. but then, the other days…the days where he can’t make time for me, or when he is there but aloof all day, those are the days that creep up on me like a heavy craving and a persistent feeling of withdrawal. the days that make me cringe and want to run right back to this state of mind.
confused.upset.sad.lost.curious. alone.
sometimes i feel like i live to let him shine, but he doesn’t feel the same way.
i guess heartbreak is the worst form of pain; because its pain and suffering in one with no medical cure; not even iloveyou
Anonymous asked: "Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."
i really like that one too. thank you [:
